FOUR

The pendulum of literary fashion usually swung violently once it began.

The disillusioned young moderns of the new century turned their backs on their elders under the impression that they had made a completely new discovery about the world they lived in. For that great Renaissance characteristic – love of action – they substituted the conviction that the world was a pit of iniquity and the only thing worth doing was to sit down and point out its sins. For that other great Renaissance characteristic – love of beauty – they substituted a kind of horrified fear of sex coupled with a fascinated interest in its abnormalities. And for vigour they substituted cleverness: “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”

Drunks, children, and Tommy Middleton always told the truth.

Tommy was a roaring boy, meaning he wore his satchel slung low, and his opinions even lower. He bought all his clothes second-hand at London pawnshops. His spiky black hair, black-and-white striped stockings, and black leather doublet signalled a new brand of writers – rebellious and aggressive young men who’d fallen from their upper-class stations.

While still a student at Oxford, Tommy published his first political pamphlet criticizing society’s treatment of the less fortunate. “Enjoying a long life in London requires a robust constitution, good luck, and a poor sense of smell,” he wrote. “We live in tough times. Life’s cheap. The average man’s dead by the time he’s twenty-five. There are few precincts NOT teeming with vermin and vice. I’m not referring to the four-legged variety – although there are plenty of those to go around. I’m talking about slumlords. If I were to drop a rat and a slumlord off London Bridge, do you know which one would hit the Thames sooner? Neither do I, but at least there’d be one less. Do you know what happens when you cross a slumlord with a rat? Absolutely no change whatsoever. Lie down with a rat and you wake up with fleas. Lie down with a slumlord and you wake up with a disease. I haven’t seen my landlord in eight months. All he does is raise my rent and take my money. Yesterday, I joined a group of tourists visiting St. Paul’s Cathedral. ‘This place,’ the guide told us, ‘is one-thousand years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.’

‘Well,’ I said drily, ‘they must have the same slumlord I have.’

“And what is St. Paul’s doing to help? There are children so poor the only toy they have to play with is a dead rat, and they have to share it. Citizens so poor the pigeons throw bread at them. People so poor they can’t afford to pay attention to what’s killing them. I’m a university student. My stepfather stole my inheritance. I’m so broke that when I leave my one-room flat to walk to my morning class, I inhale the smell of the bacon cooking next door. THAT’S breakfast.

“And what does the Church have to say? ‘Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, people.’ These people can’t afford boots, much less a strap. Still the Church loves to give them a good strapping. Archbishop, instead of pretending someone else’s sin is worse than your own, confess yourself. That first step off your high horse is going to be a bitch. Tuck and roll, Archbishop.”

It was that last bit that got Tommy into trouble. The pamphlet fell into the hands of the Archbishop of Canterbury, who, incensed by Tommy’s slander, ordered all copies burnt as part of a massive public display. The university gave Tommy the boot and he and his notorious reputation were on their way.

For Tommy, taking a step backward after taking a step forward was not a disaster; it was more of a galliard. He was a sassy twenty-one-year-old, eager to put the boots to WILLIAM SHAKE-SHIT. His graffiti declared it on a wall on the south side of London Bridge.

Bring home ***RuFF*** by Rod Carley, published by Latitde 46.

More About RuFF:

Rod Carley is back with another theatrical odyssey packed with an unforgettable cast of Elizabethan eccentrics. It’s a madcap world more modern than tomorrow where gender is what a person makes of it (no matter the story beneath their petticoats or tights). Will Shakespeare is having a very bad year. Suffering from a mid-life crisis, a plague outbreak, and the death of the ancient Queen, Will’s mettle is put to the test when the new King puts his witch-burning hobby aside to announce a national play competition that will determine which theatre company will secure his favour and remain in business. As he struggles to write a Scottish supernatural thriller, Will faces one ruff and puffy obstacle after another including a young rival punk poet and his activist-wife fighting for equality and a woman’s right to tread the boards. Will and his band of misfits must ensure not only their own survival, but that of England as well. The stage is set for an outrageous and compelling tale of ghosts, ghostwriting, writer’s block, and the chopping block. Ruffly based on a true story.

Author Rod Carley. Photo credit Virigina MacDonald.

More About Rod Carley:

From Brockville, Rod is the award-winning author of three previous works of literary fiction: GRIN REAPING (long listed for the 2023 Leacock Medal for Humour, 2022 Bronze Winner for Humour from Foreword Review INDIES, a Finalist for the 2023 Next Generation Indie Book Award for Humor/Comedy, and long-listed for the ReLit Group Awards for Best Short Fiction of 2023); KINMOUNT (long listed for the 2021 Leacock Medal for Humour and Winner of the 2021 Silver Medal for Best Regional Fiction from the Independent Publishers Book Awards); A Matter of Will (Finalist for the 2018 Northern Lit Award for Fiction).

His short stories and creative non-fiction have appeared in a variety of Canadian literary magazines including Broadview (winner of the 2022 Award of Excellence for Best Seasonal Article from the Associated Church Press), Cloud Lake Literary, Blank Spaces, Exile, HighGrader, and the anthology 150 Years Up North and More. He was a finalist for the 2021 Carter V. Cooper Short Fiction Prize.

Rod was the 2009 winner of TVO’s Big Ideas/Best Lecturer Competition for his lecture entitled “Adapting Shakespeare within a Modern Canadian Context. He is a proud alumnus of the Humber School for Writers and is represented by Carolyn Forde, Senior Literary Agent with The Transatlantic Agency. www.rodcarley.ca.